The Night before Christmas
Snow Wood Remix

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the school

Not a creature was stirring, not even the lab fool.

The stockings were hung by the lockers with care,

In the hopes that St. Einstein soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Mr. Saturns danced in their heads.

And Tony in his suit, and Jeff with his bowtie,

Had just settled down for some shut-eye,

When out in the snow there arose such a BOOM!,

Jeff sprang from the bed to see what spelled doom.

Away to the window, Jeff flew like the sun,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the curtain.

The moon shined on the new-fallen snow,

And gave everything a luminous glow,

When, what to Jeff's wondering eyes should appear,

But a nasty, ghastly, unearthly mook senior!

And a man that was silver, just like a trash can,

Jeff knew in a moment it must be a starman.

More rapid than eagles the monsters they came,

And they clicked, and whirred, and called him by name;

"We have come for you, Jeff, to bring an end to it all!

We want this stupid poem to be done with!" they called!

And Jeff simply smiled, and said with a glow,

My IQ minus your IQ is greater than zero!

Therefore I have the final say in this matter,

And you have no choice, now, but to scatter!"

And then, with a wave of his hand, Jeff sent them away,

Although he soon heard, "I'll be back some day!"

So Jeff outshined the aliens, all by himself,

And now he was ready to restore his health.

Jeff went back to bed, and took care not to wake Tony,

Even though he was a sissy who made art out of macaroni.

He pulled up the covers, and thought what had been.

"Why was it so easy, how did I win?

They didn't punch me, or bite me, or even spank me,

Or taunt me, or beam me, and they didn't shank me!"

There was one thing that Jeff had not heard:

Giygas's troops weren't too fond of nerds.

Happy Funfest to all, and to all a good night!

May you all see strange and wonderful sights!